Board games can be used, described, and prescribed like herbs. What do they cure? Let us put together a therapeutic if-then catalogue: if a person has a dysfunctional pattern, a suboptimal tendency, repeating the same kind of mistake both in life and game then which board games would be beneficial to that person? E.g. I had a tendency to procrastinate/wait too long for a perfect/very good set, and when somebody else ended the game, I had too many good but unused cards/tiles/resources, unfinished buildings - just like in life. I tried to teach myself subliminally that it is simply better, more rewarding in game and in life to start and build something even if it is not perfect, because life has an end and opportunities can vanish. So carpe diem (play Canasta). What messages, teachings, principles have you taken away from board games? What do you wish yourself/your spouse/children/friend to really learn?
If someone cannot wait, tends to attack immediately, prematurely, without the necessary preparation, sufficient accumulation of strength/stamina needed for a breakthrough: play Risk.
If someone is a bit lazy, or slow, reluctant to run/rush, or is undecided, tends to sit on the fence for too long, until the opponent forces a route, or does not know how to initiate, is too passive/defensive/reactive/waits for others to make the first move then s/he would be incentivised in a playful, gentle way to rush/strive in the beginning, take the initiative, occupy the good positions asap, and emotionally/deeply/viscerally learn the lesson that certain initial investments will keep paying back: play Catan, chess.
Learn to distinguish the one-off gains from the strategic, lasting investments. Play those games where if you buy an investment/ability/discount card then you can use it again and again.
If someone is hedonistic, has insufficient self-discipline (e.g. to study hard in their youth), wastes their youth, who does not build/spend on investments early, then play games in which those who start strong have a tendency to become stronger and stronger, where the rich become richer and richer, where there is a compounding effect: play Catan, chess, Alhambra, Liar's Dice.
If someone does not feel that life will end and time is flying then play the canasta rule variant where 1 canasta is enough to end the game (or games where the game ends when an event happens and all the cards that remained in the hands of the players are lost, useless, we do not finish the game by putting down those remained cards); whereas if someone is impatient, needs instant gratification, cannot wait, then play the canasta rule variant where 2 canastas are necessary to end the game (or when we can put down the remained cards). If someone struggles to accept death/losses then practising that the remaining cards are lost can help to get accustomed to losses: everyone loses those remaining cards and you can win despite those losses.
If someone tends to undertake too many projects, not only the most worthwhile projects, easily starts, but does not care to finish, or is too many times greedy or whimsical, gets distracted from their main task, scatters their resources instead of focusing/specialising, has prioritisation issues, then play Lost cities, Keltis, Carcassone (especially with a rule variant when the number of men each player has is reduced or the completed castles yield 3 points per tile), play games where the longest road, the first player to …, the player with the highest number of … gets the points or a lot more points than the runner ups. Finish what you start. It is OK to excel only in a few areas; find your specialities.
If someone changes his/her mind too often, or repeatedly ends up surrounded by walls too early before the end of the game, play Alhambra (it is expensive to turn back, destroy something and build something else - but it is possible).
If someone tends to keep his/her choices open, or has commitment issues, difficulty with devotion, bonding, loyalty (maybe totally rationally, to avoid a bad experience to happen again): play Lost cities, Keltis. https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/50/lost-cities
If someone buys everything because it is cheap/discounted/advertised, for the joy of getting more stuff, no matter if s/he needs that tile (shopaholic, discount addict, hoarder, the easily manipulated who follows what is fashionable/trendy, who does not listen to their own needs): play Alhambra.
If someone feels very un/fortunate, weak or strong in life and cannot really imagine that it could ever be different, if someone has a closed mindset and thinks they cannot be the winner because of a disability, a tragedy, a given shortcoming, or on the contrary, is too smug, complacent, arrogant, then play (short->many) card games, where the hand of cards that you get is quite random, sometimes very un/lucky: poker, tarock, 21. It can support the message of narrative therapy and counter the thinking bias ‘I always/never …’. If someone is not humble, boasts when they were just lucky, then they need to learn to distinguish their luck from their merits. (It is telling whether someone prefers games where merit (thinking, strategy, negotiation) is needed, or where luck has a bigger role.) If someone is a sore loser or is not accustomed to being a winner, play many times and emphasise that even after a streak of lost games, if you persevere, you can enjoy a streak of wins.
If someone gives up too early then play less predictable games where chance has an important role up until the end: Snakes and ladders, Who laughs at the end; or the stronger, leading players can destroy each other: Risk, or you might quickly end the game and the many unused cards a rich opponent had can be turned into liabilities, having negative values: play Canasta. If someone gives up too easily then you can emphasise that if someone was dealt an unlucky, weak hand of cards but minimises the loss, that is a great achievement and can be proud of it.
If someone has an issue with any kind of dependency on others, dislikes asking for help, wants to solve everything on his/her own, tends to be a lone, grumpy wolf, does not network, then play Cartagena and co-operative games.
If someone is only interested in his/her own interests, viewpoint, strategy, is too egocentric and does not care, does not know what others want/think/plan: play chess, Manager, where you need to think with someone else’s head as well.
If someone is a beginner in feeling/listening to a partner’s and the opponents’ subtle nonverbal signals, building rapport, tuning to the same wavelength with a partner: play Kent, Dixit.
If someone is a beginner in negotiations, making offers in a convincing way, making counteroffers, using interpersonal skills to come across as a popular, acceptable business partner, or is too attached to possessions, unwilling to exchange things, then play negotiating games like Catan, Monopoly.
If someone has difficulties forming alliances, cooperating with a partner, forgiving a partner, communicating nonverbally, or is too secretive, unwilling to disclose information about him/her even to his/her ally, being a control freak and having trust issues with the partner, or is unwilling to make personal sacrifices for the team, unwilling to suffer the discomfort of having a limited selection of cards, ending up with weak/bad cards and depending on a partner: play card games of 2 vs 2 people (e.g. tarock, bridge).
If someone jumps to (false) conclusions without a solid base, has difficulty to think rigorously and imagine less obvious possibilities/alternatives, tends to be dogmatic (‘I believe it’), does not have enough patience, intellectual integrity or capability, cannot endure the tension of not knowing something (yet), which is the reality): play Cluedo and https://www.puzzle-nonograms.com Puzzles forcefully teach us to claim only what we really know.
If someone tends to give up, tends to say there is no way to achieve what I need, there is no solution, then solve chess puzzles (mate in 1/ 2 /3 moves), math puzzles, logical puzzles, play the spider solitaire game: I almost thought there were no more moves, but kept trying and I found a move and then another one, found a way through a strait and then it became easier, just like during being born/delivered. There are some random setups in Spider and Mahjong that are impossible to solve and it is not your fault. If you cannot backtrack, you might arrive at a crossroads where choosing one direction might prove to be un/lucky later and the best you can do is maximise your chance, and that is OK. You can learn that one game does not prove the merit/valour of a player; only the average of many games tends to correlate with the astuteness.
If someone repeats the same mistakes in their real life it might be easier to break a bad habit during a game, as the game is unusual and we are in a more light-hearted, playful, more open state of mind.
If we reflect upon our feelings and thoughts during and after games, discuss them, express what we learnt, that is powerful, because these are not just words, we have actually observed, experienced their truths, we acted, tried, concluded, gained our truths. Without wasting years and millions. Although there is a risk of just playing instead of taking the courage to live and accept that in real life the game is not rule-based, many players play ESS, and we do not really know in advance, we more or less try to figure out the rules and the points and our mission during the game and they might change, and the world does not wait while we are thinking.
Please write your feedback, suggestions, additions to jratkaime@gmail.com.
If someone has … problematic tendency then playing … helps to recognise and correct that.
The most up-to-date version of this list can be found at:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RtD ... S-0_zAuYJI
If someone cannot wait, tends to attack immediately, prematurely, without the necessary preparation, sufficient accumulation of strength/stamina needed for a breakthrough: play Risk.
If someone is a bit lazy, or slow, reluctant to run/rush, or is undecided, tends to sit on the fence for too long, until the opponent forces a route, or does not know how to initiate, is too passive/defensive/reactive/waits for others to make the first move then s/he would be incentivised in a playful, gentle way to rush/strive in the beginning, take the initiative, occupy the good positions asap, and emotionally/deeply/viscerally learn the lesson that certain initial investments will keep paying back: play Catan, chess.
Learn to distinguish the one-off gains from the strategic, lasting investments. Play those games where if you buy an investment/ability/discount card then you can use it again and again.
If someone is hedonistic, has insufficient self-discipline (e.g. to study hard in their youth), wastes their youth, who does not build/spend on investments early, then play games in which those who start strong have a tendency to become stronger and stronger, where the rich become richer and richer, where there is a compounding effect: play Catan, chess, Alhambra, Liar's Dice.
If someone does not feel that life will end and time is flying then play the canasta rule variant where 1 canasta is enough to end the game (or games where the game ends when an event happens and all the cards that remained in the hands of the players are lost, useless, we do not finish the game by putting down those remained cards); whereas if someone is impatient, needs instant gratification, cannot wait, then play the canasta rule variant where 2 canastas are necessary to end the game (or when we can put down the remained cards). If someone struggles to accept death/losses then practising that the remaining cards are lost can help to get accustomed to losses: everyone loses those remaining cards and you can win despite those losses.
If someone tends to undertake too many projects, not only the most worthwhile projects, easily starts, but does not care to finish, or is too many times greedy or whimsical, gets distracted from their main task, scatters their resources instead of focusing/specialising, has prioritisation issues, then play Lost cities, Keltis, Carcassone (especially with a rule variant when the number of men each player has is reduced or the completed castles yield 3 points per tile), play games where the longest road, the first player to …, the player with the highest number of … gets the points or a lot more points than the runner ups. Finish what you start. It is OK to excel only in a few areas; find your specialities.
If someone changes his/her mind too often, or repeatedly ends up surrounded by walls too early before the end of the game, play Alhambra (it is expensive to turn back, destroy something and build something else - but it is possible).
If someone tends to keep his/her choices open, or has commitment issues, difficulty with devotion, bonding, loyalty (maybe totally rationally, to avoid a bad experience to happen again): play Lost cities, Keltis. https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/50/lost-cities
If someone buys everything because it is cheap/discounted/advertised, for the joy of getting more stuff, no matter if s/he needs that tile (shopaholic, discount addict, hoarder, the easily manipulated who follows what is fashionable/trendy, who does not listen to their own needs): play Alhambra.
If someone feels very un/fortunate, weak or strong in life and cannot really imagine that it could ever be different, if someone has a closed mindset and thinks they cannot be the winner because of a disability, a tragedy, a given shortcoming, or on the contrary, is too smug, complacent, arrogant, then play (short->many) card games, where the hand of cards that you get is quite random, sometimes very un/lucky: poker, tarock, 21. It can support the message of narrative therapy and counter the thinking bias ‘I always/never …’. If someone is not humble, boasts when they were just lucky, then they need to learn to distinguish their luck from their merits. (It is telling whether someone prefers games where merit (thinking, strategy, negotiation) is needed, or where luck has a bigger role.) If someone is a sore loser or is not accustomed to being a winner, play many times and emphasise that even after a streak of lost games, if you persevere, you can enjoy a streak of wins.
If someone gives up too early then play less predictable games where chance has an important role up until the end: Snakes and ladders, Who laughs at the end; or the stronger, leading players can destroy each other: Risk, or you might quickly end the game and the many unused cards a rich opponent had can be turned into liabilities, having negative values: play Canasta. If someone gives up too easily then you can emphasise that if someone was dealt an unlucky, weak hand of cards but minimises the loss, that is a great achievement and can be proud of it.
If someone has an issue with any kind of dependency on others, dislikes asking for help, wants to solve everything on his/her own, tends to be a lone, grumpy wolf, does not network, then play Cartagena and co-operative games.
If someone is only interested in his/her own interests, viewpoint, strategy, is too egocentric and does not care, does not know what others want/think/plan: play chess, Manager, where you need to think with someone else’s head as well.
If someone is a beginner in feeling/listening to a partner’s and the opponents’ subtle nonverbal signals, building rapport, tuning to the same wavelength with a partner: play Kent, Dixit.
If someone is a beginner in negotiations, making offers in a convincing way, making counteroffers, using interpersonal skills to come across as a popular, acceptable business partner, or is too attached to possessions, unwilling to exchange things, then play negotiating games like Catan, Monopoly.
If someone has difficulties forming alliances, cooperating with a partner, forgiving a partner, communicating nonverbally, or is too secretive, unwilling to disclose information about him/her even to his/her ally, being a control freak and having trust issues with the partner, or is unwilling to make personal sacrifices for the team, unwilling to suffer the discomfort of having a limited selection of cards, ending up with weak/bad cards and depending on a partner: play card games of 2 vs 2 people (e.g. tarock, bridge).
If someone jumps to (false) conclusions without a solid base, has difficulty to think rigorously and imagine less obvious possibilities/alternatives, tends to be dogmatic (‘I believe it’), does not have enough patience, intellectual integrity or capability, cannot endure the tension of not knowing something (yet), which is the reality): play Cluedo and https://www.puzzle-nonograms.com Puzzles forcefully teach us to claim only what we really know.
If someone tends to give up, tends to say there is no way to achieve what I need, there is no solution, then solve chess puzzles (mate in 1/ 2 /3 moves), math puzzles, logical puzzles, play the spider solitaire game: I almost thought there were no more moves, but kept trying and I found a move and then another one, found a way through a strait and then it became easier, just like during being born/delivered. There are some random setups in Spider and Mahjong that are impossible to solve and it is not your fault. If you cannot backtrack, you might arrive at a crossroads where choosing one direction might prove to be un/lucky later and the best you can do is maximise your chance, and that is OK. You can learn that one game does not prove the merit/valour of a player; only the average of many games tends to correlate with the astuteness.
If someone repeats the same mistakes in their real life it might be easier to break a bad habit during a game, as the game is unusual and we are in a more light-hearted, playful, more open state of mind.
If we reflect upon our feelings and thoughts during and after games, discuss them, express what we learnt, that is powerful, because these are not just words, we have actually observed, experienced their truths, we acted, tried, concluded, gained our truths. Without wasting years and millions. Although there is a risk of just playing instead of taking the courage to live and accept that in real life the game is not rule-based, many players play ESS, and we do not really know in advance, we more or less try to figure out the rules and the points and our mission during the game and they might change, and the world does not wait while we are thinking.
Please write your feedback, suggestions, additions to jratkaime@gmail.com.
If someone has … problematic tendency then playing … helps to recognise and correct that.
The most up-to-date version of this list can be found at:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RtD ... S-0_zAuYJI