Is this rude?

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thoun
Posts: 1619
Joined: 10 December 2020, 22:25

Re: Is this rude?

Post by thoun »

I usually ask "do you want a tip" before giving one, to know if my opponents wants help or not. It also works outside Bga, in sports for example ;)
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jesslc
Posts: 43
Joined: 06 November 2012, 17:56

Re: Is this rude?

Post by jesslc »

I don't think it's rude in general to ask someone about how much they've played a game. But I'd recommend not assuming any correlation between not having played much and wanting tips.

If the in game chat/discussion with the other players touches on how much experience I've had with the game we're playing (number of previous games, my Elo, etc) at any point, after responding to their question/comment I'll usually follow it with something along the lines of "I'm happy to share tips, if you'd like"

It leaves the choice up to them and is (imo) a milder way of phrasing it than a direct question. Personally, I feel like an out of the blue "would you like some tips?" could carry the implication that I've observed some suboptimal moves on their part, and I'd rather avoid giving that impression. I did offer unsolicited advice at the end of a game once before and felt a bit uncomfortable with myself for it, even though the person didn't respond. So now I stick to this approach.
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Stuff by Bez
Posts: 117
Joined: 28 June 2020, 02:01

Re: Is this rude?

Post by Stuff by Bez »

Thanks all for the discussion.
jesslc wrote: 25 July 2023, 10:32 "I'm happy to share tips, if you'd like"
I love this way of approaching things.
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Shogun2049
Posts: 20
Joined: 24 June 2023, 06:34

Re: Is this rude?

Post by Shogun2049 »

Instead of offering advice, try asking them "That last move. I'm not clear why you chose that move. Can you explain your reasoning?"
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sesc
Posts: 55
Joined: 30 November 2015, 22:42

Re: Is this rude?

Post by sesc »

Shogun2049 wrote: 14 August 2023, 11:23 Instead of offering advice, try asking them "That last move. I'm not clear why you chose that move. Can you explain your reasoning?"
Hm, "Can you explain your reasoning?" could be received as a bit of "attacking" by the other player as it implies this move needs some kind of explanation. Maybe better "Do you mind to explain your reasoning?" or something similar.

To be clear, "attacking" not in a reportable sense, but causing a defensive mindset for the other player as he feels attacked. And that probably won't be a good basis to discuss any moves.
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Chiffa of Kettari
Posts: 36
Joined: 19 May 2023, 17:27

Re: Is this rude?

Post by Chiffa of Kettari »

And if they ignore the chat, as many people do, they might see it 10 moves later and have no idea what you're talking about ;)
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Gooorn
Posts: 86
Joined: 27 January 2017, 20:10

Re: Is this rude?

Post by Gooorn »

Not rude, but sarcastic. Not honest for sure.
If someone's move seems bad the honest way is to tell it was bad.
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nik592
Posts: 1390
Joined: 16 October 2022, 13:54

Re: Is this rude?

Post by nik592 »

Gooorn wrote: 22 August 2023, 13:51 Not rude, but sarcastic. Not honest for sure.
If someone's move seems bad the honest way is to tell it was bad.
You think it would have been better to say "That move seems bad"? I admit to having thought this on occasion and it's probably been thought of me. That said, I can't say I've always been right in thinking that - more than once I've seen what I thought was a bad move, and the other player went on to win (which also doesn't prove it wasn't a bad move, but does at least say it didn't impact their game enough to lose). In a complex game, it's a significant load on my brain to balance all the variables that affect my game, let alone be certain of what someone else is planning (especially if there's hidden info in the mix). There are also days where I make a particular move and immediately facepalm as I spot something obvious I missed that makes that move bad. Sometimes people already know. Telling them would just be adding insult to injury.
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Gooorn
Posts: 86
Joined: 27 January 2017, 20:10

Re: Is this rude?

Post by Gooorn »

nik592 wrote: 23 August 2023, 03:04
Gooorn wrote: 22 August 2023, 13:51 Not rude, but sarcastic. Not honest for sure.
If someone's move seems bad the honest way is to tell it was bad.
You think it would have been better to say "That move seems bad"?
Yes, i do think so - as long as you explain why was it bad.
Negative feedback is not necessary insult, it can be friendly help too.

And do not misunderstand me, it was not complain. I think this community is moderated well.
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