Why is there a complete lack of communication from most people when it comes to going over time?

[Leard]

I play fast-paced turn-based games, typically 12 or 24 moves per day, and I make sure to stay within the time limits. I carefully select games for times when I know I’ll be awake and available to take my turn.

However, I've noticed that in at least half of these fast games, one player often goes over time and into the red. In nearly every case, there’s no communication; no apology or explanation. While I understand if someone occasionally goes a little over due to a busy workday or weekend, it’s frustrating when players keep going further into the red, sometimes -12h or more, without any effort to explain or apologise.

For me, it’s unacceptable to go that far over time without saying anything, and it makes me more likely to expel that player. I’ve reached the point where I play enough games that I don’t mind ending one early. I'd rather the player face the karma punishment and just start a new game. On top of that, there have been too many instances where I’ve apologised for going over time, only to be booted from a game myself.

This is mostly a rant about what I see as rudeness from a lot of the BGA community, but I’d be interested in hearing others’ opinions on this.

[Jellby]

My guess: Because they don't know it's a fast turn-based game. They just join the game blindly and assume it's a "default" 1 turn per day.

[Leard]

I'm not sure that's the reason. If you're using the automatic settings and haven't changed your filters, "fast" is marked as "I never want to play with". So, to join a fast game, you've either deliberately changed your filters or joined manually, where it's clearly stated how fast you're expected to play. Either way, ignorance isn't an excuse for joining a fast game.

[Leard]

And nobody gives a toss. How absolutely telling.

[Jellby]

Do you think that people who go over time without saying a word are going to come to the forum and explain their motives?

[SusySusyQ]

For me, even if I give a reason, I get no reply - which makes me think they don’t care.
If you want this kind of communication, maybe you should chat with the other players and ask for it at the start of the game.

[Leard]

Having to ask for basic courtesy when going against what you agreed to by joining the game just seems ridiculous. I'll just continue to play within time and boot and punish those players that go over without communication. The fact hardly anyone else has anything to say about this makes me think I'm overreacting. But then it wouldn't be acceptable to piss off for 20 minutes without explanation during a board game in person, so I don't think it should be acceptable here. I guarantee most players would agree with me, and nobody has anything of worth to say about it.

[Jellby]

It's not acceptable to run out of time, that's why you can kick them out and they get a penalty.

Now, are you complaining about people not following the "rules" and not communicating with strangers? Welcome to the world.

[nik592]

This is not the first time such a subject has come up. Trying searching the forums and you'll find other's opinions on it. I've given mine before, but basically, I give people what I feel is a reasonable amount of time and then I boot them. That's not as soon as they go in the red (and as I play mostly turn-based, usually we're talking I give them a few days before I boot), as I'd rather finish the game than not if it's at all possible. I don't usually ask because if you're not online for 4 days to play your turn, you're also not going to be online to explain why.

Yes, some people are jerks and don't feel the need to explain it (or possibly, "sorry, I forgot I was playing an online game" or even "sorry, I really couldn't care about playing my turns on time" aren't explanations people think would be well received). But there are other reasons as well.
Occasionally, I probably boot people who have perfectly legitimate, understandable reasons. Occasionally, I have been over time myself, most recently, life got hectic (dealing with medical issues for my parents) and I just couldn't get online often enough. Some people booted me. Others let me play on. I did my best to catch up time and not run into the red again. I didn't explain - I didn't especially want to because life was stressful and I didn't want to go into it with internet strangers (even briefly). Frankly, if there hadn't been a penalty for doing so, I might have quit anyway, as I didn't feel much like playing when so much else was going on for me. For real-time games, if some kind of emergency comes up that drags them from the keyboard in a real-time game, they're probably not coming back to explain (or finish the game) either. That said, people can also say whatever they want about why they were late - maybe they did just forget or didn't care, but if they tell you their child just fell over and broke their leg or their mother died this week, then you might let it slide. Others might have heard those excuses one time too many and boot them anyway.

Basically, you can't control how other behave, whether they play on time, whether they explain, etc. Decide what matters to you. If you want to give them some grace, do so. Boot them when you feel it's been reasonable. If they're not doing it all the time, their reputation will not take a significant hit and will be easily recovered. If they are, you're possibly justified in booting them anyway.