What to do when you are getting targeted unfairly

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Simondagoose
Posts: 2
Joined: 25 January 2024, 11:48

What to do when you are getting targeted unfairly

Post by Simondagoose »

Hey everyone. I play a lot of love letter and sometimes you have players targeting you even though you are losing and it would make more sense in the particular scenario that they attack the winning player. It happens and is not a big deal. Sometimes if it happens mutliple times I politely ask them if they could please target the winning player. Sometimes I get annoyed responses back from that, that I shouldn't tell them how to play etc., followed by them doubling down and attacking me constantly no matter what. Then, when I ask why they have to be such an * about it, or something similar, I get moderated for insulting someone. I guess that is fair enough, but since there are no rules to my knowledge against unfair play like that, I don't think I can report them if they don't say something insulting in chat. So what should I do? How do I come up for myself? Do I just take it? I don't think it's fair to expect me not to push back at all. What do you guys do in similar situations?

*Moderator edit: please refrain from swearing on BGA, this is a family-friendly platform.
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Silene
Posts: 980
Joined: 23 October 2013, 17:50

Re: What to do when you are getting targeted unfairly

Post by Silene »

All you can do is approach them nicely and if they react badly just shrug it off and red thumb them. Playstyle isn't reportable because it is almost always impossible to judge.

When playing games like love letter, catan etc... you need to accept that encounters like this will happen in games with strangers.

If you find yourself unable to approach a playstyles you find unfair in a civilized manner, you need to stick to playing games like that only with friends.
Check out the Allround-League: https://boardgamearena.com/group?id=7870115 --> a league where you have matches of random games vs. other players in your group. Season 9 registration oct. '25.
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Exotic Dreams
Posts: 188
Joined: 31 May 2020, 22:12

Re: What to do when you are getting targeted unfairly

Post by Exotic Dreams »

Maybe setup your preferences to only play with beginners or play with friends?.
Ceaseless
Posts: 1303
Joined: 12 November 2022, 17:06

Re: What to do when you are getting targeted unfairly

Post by Ceaseless »

That is the natural consequence of playing with more than 2 players in an interactive game. The only way to ensure it is avoided is to not play games with more than 2 players. Even without players intentionally doing it, there's plenty of ways for players to misplay and cripple you as a result.
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creative1_64
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Joined: 08 December 2024, 07:20

Re: What to do when you are getting targeted unfairly

Post by creative1_64 »

This is a big problem on this site. Regardless of what people tell you to do, the real issue is people that think that behavior is OK and know that they won't get punished. But if they make you mad and you comment about it, you get moderated. How does that make sense?
I disagree that there's no way to decide whether someone is bullying or targeting in a game. In Catan when I have 3 points and they both have 7 points, yet they rob me over and over and over, the entire game. To the point I have no resources at all. That's not "typical" play for that game. At least in real life.
Just my opinion
odastein
Posts: 1
Joined: 27 January 2025, 07:55

Re: What to do when you are getting targeted unfairly

Post by odastein »

I don't see how it can be "unfair" to attack a specific player in a game. And I can see a couple reason why you'd want to attack a player who isn't winning. Maybe you're weak, and attacking you is the easiest way to catch up with the winning player. Maybe the person thinks that he won't be able to catch up with the winning player, so he tries instead to secure a second place, and attacks you.

I remember having this discussion with a RL friend some years ago. He was pissed that I had bludgeoned him instead of the winning player. The reason was the second I mentioned (trying to secure the second place) but he told me that you never try to end up second in a game. Only try to win, and so only side with the others to beat whoever is on top. Maybe he was seeing things this way, but I don't. And again, I totally fail to see how it's "unfair". A game is a competition. Other players will inevitably attack you.Why they decide to attack you and not someone else is frankly unimportant. Maybe they have a good reason that you can't see, or maybe it's stupid on their part, but it changes nothing. It's still an opponent attacking you in a game, which is expected. There's no reason that I can perceive to be bothered by this.

To me, your complaint sounds a bit like "some players have a play style different from mine. I always attack the winning player, and they don't. So I take it personally and insult them for not playing the way I think a game should be played. Why doesn't BGA sanction people who don't play like me?" It seems to me that you're the problem, not them. It seems to me that the issue is your emotional reaction to something that is perfectly normal when people play games.

And to answer your last question : what do I do in similar situations? I do nothing. If it bothered me to be attacked in a game, I wouldn't be playing games. As long as nobody is cheating and it's within the rules, it's fair. Things don't always go the way you'd like in a game. Sometimes the die seems to be against you. Sometimes someone's strategy includes destroying you from the get go, and you never have a chance to advance in the game. So be it. You just start a new game. I guess that there could be some extraordinary situations when it could be a problem, say some guy harassing you and deliberately trying to join your tables specifically to spoil the games for you. But then you'd just need to block him.
SionedCati
Posts: 82
Joined: 24 November 2024, 22:34

Re: What to do when you are getting targeted unfairly

Post by SionedCati »

odastein wrote: 04 February 2025, 12:17 It seems to me that you're the problem, not them. It seems to me that the issue is your emotional reaction to something that is perfectly normal when people play games.

And to answer your last question : what do I do in similar situations? I do nothing. If it bothered me to be attacked in a game, I wouldn't be playing games. As long as nobody is cheating and it's within the rules, it's fair.
I love playing board games and I'm really glad to have found BGA.

But you know one thing I don't like here?

How every time someone says they are unhappy with the way aggressive way some people play, they get piled on by people with answers like this, basically saying "suck it up". Just like in school when someone dared say they didn't like being bullied.

It's fine that some people like playing very competitively.

It's also fine that some people don't.

There's space for all of us.

I think it's time the different playing styles were respected, instead of those of us who enjoy playing more cooperatively, or in a friendly way, getting bashed for daring not to enjoy aggressive competition.
Ceaseless
Posts: 1303
Joined: 12 November 2022, 17:06

Re: What to do when you are getting targeted unfairly

Post by Ceaseless »

SionedCati wrote: 07 February 2025, 19:05
odastein wrote: 04 February 2025, 12:17 It seems to me that you're the problem, not them. It seems to me that the issue is your emotional reaction to something that is perfectly normal when people play games.

And to answer your last question : what do I do in similar situations? I do nothing. If it bothered me to be attacked in a game, I wouldn't be playing games. As long as nobody is cheating and it's within the rules, it's fair.
I love playing board games and I'm really glad to have found BGA.

But you know one thing I don't like here?

How every time someone says they are unhappy with the way aggressive way some people play, they get piled on by people with answers like this, basically saying "suck it up". Just like in school when someone dared say they didn't like being bullied.

It's fine that some people like playing very competitively.

It's also fine that some people don't.

There's space for all of us.

I think it's time the different playing styles were respected, instead of those of us who enjoy playing more cooperatively, or in a friendly way, getting bashed for daring not to enjoy aggressive competition.
Trying to bully player(s) by saying they are "aggressive" in the way they play is not something BGA is going to support you with. Please be respectful to other players. BGA is not stopping anyone from playing casually.
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Silene
Posts: 980
Joined: 23 October 2013, 17:50

Re: What to do when you are getting targeted unfairly

Post by Silene »

To me anything is allowed on the board.
What matters are personal interactions. What people say and how they behave apart from the board. A fierce battle is what I enjoy. But I don't like getting insulted in chat/posts.

Some people take it personally that they are being attacked on the board.
Others take it personally when their playstyle gets insulted or they are being verbally patronized and attacked.

Best is to just avoid each other by using red thumbs or using friendly game setting or create groups to play with people who play your preferred style.

The forum however is no place to avoid because it's for everyone and here everyone is gonna fend for their position when they feel attacked.
Check out the Allround-League: https://boardgamearena.com/group?id=7870115 --> a league where you have matches of random games vs. other players in your group. Season 9 registration oct. '25.
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