Hobbs: Hello everyone, I’m Brian Hobbs…
Royce: … and I’m James Royce.
Hobbs: We will be your colour commentators for the competition.
Royce: Yes indeedy. Welcome back to the 51st Annual All Valley Under-18 Karate Tournament!
Hobbs: Yes! Wait… what?
Royce: Welcome back to the 51st Annual All Valley Under-18 Karate Tournament?
Hobbs: That’s not what this is.
Royce: Oh. Eternal glory! That’s what awaits the student who wins the Triwizard Tournament.
Hobbs: No.
Royce: Trainers, prepare for battle! The final round of the Pokémon League Tournament is about to
begin!
Hobbs: ...?
Royce: It’s time to separate the men from the boys... and the boys from the slightly older boys?
Hobbs: That’s Dodgeball.
Royce: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the biggest intergalactic basketball game in history!
Hobbs: Spacejam.
Royce: Then what the hell is this gig?
Hobbs: The Azul Cup
Royce: What the hell is that?
Hobbs: It’s only the most exciting tournament on BGA, the only international team Tournament that
Azul has ever known, and quite simply the best Azul tournament ever. EVER!
Royce: If you say so.
Hobbs: Well, MayMay is excited.
Royce: MayMay get’s wet watching Reish Galuta replays, so I’m not sure that means much.
Hobbs: Wow. We’re setting the bar low early this season.
Royce: Oh, it’s just getting started princess.
Hobbs: *sigh*. This season the Azul Cup is boasting 24 national teams from Argentina to Uruguay.
Royce: Your a g…
Hobbs: Don’t do it!
Royce: Fine.
Hobbs: And it’s not “Your”, it’s “you’re”.
Royce: Ooo.
Hobbs: 24 teams, 72 players, all competing in 12 regional tournaments. The nation in each group with the most victories qualifies for the finals and this season they’ll also be two wild cards with the best records joining them.
Royce: So, 6 teams in the final?
Hobbs: Yep, that’s what everyone wanted last season.
Royce: And by everyone… you mean Zeus?
Hobbs: And it all starts tomorrow morning as planned.
Royce: You mean as Zeus planned?
Hobbs: He’s very intimidating. He said he’d scheduled the tournament in for July 1st.
Royce: Oh, did he? Did he now? And did he also work overtime to help pull it all together for July 1st instead of leaving it just a couple more days to help manage the workload?
Hobbs: Erm…
Royce: That’s what I thought. But you know who did?
Hobbs: Was it Sandra from Admin?
Royce: Yes, yes it was.
Hobbs: I’m sure upper management will pay her more.
Royce: Sure, that sounds like upper management.
Hobbs: Anyway, I think Zeus prefers to be called Genki.
Royce: I thought that was just on Friday nights?
Hobbs: O-K… shall we make a start?
Royce: Sure, who’s up first?
Hobbs: Well, let’s start with the World Champions, USA.
Royce: USA! USA! USA!
Hobbs: The biggest shock is that Bangerz will no longer be competing.
Royce: Hang on, wasn’t he the team mascot anyway?
Hobbs: No.
Royce: He didn’t play though, right?
Hobbs: Yes, he did.
Royce: … wow. But now he’s left?
Hobbs: Yes, just as the season started.
Royce: So now what’s he doing?
Hobbs: Err… he’s the team mascot.
Royce: I knew it!
Hobbs: He has a Cockroach costume; I don’t know why.
Royce: He’s bat shit nuts that’s why baby! So, who is it they’ll admit in his place?
Hobbs: Admitted.
Royce: Sigh. OK enough now, grammar police, who have they admitted in his place?
Hobbs: Admitted!
Royce: That’s what I’m asking.
Hobbs: No. That’s who’s in the team, Admitted.
Royce: … never heard of the guy. Can we get Bangerz back? I know him.
Hobbs: Everyone knows Bangerz.
Royce: Yeah I know, it’s the law now, people like him have to be on a public register.
Hobbs: Anyway, no we can’t. It’s too much paperwork for Sandra. Admitted has been, well, admitted.
Royce: Well, with Kevin Wise, aka Captain America as captain…
Hobbs: He’s not.
Royce: He’s not what? Captain America? I know, it’s just what he’s known as now.
Hobbs: He’s not the captain anymore, Priptonite is.
Royce: What the…I bet Sandra wasn’t pleased about that either!
Hobbs: Yeah, she’s wasn’t happy with all these last minute changes.
Royce: So, let me get this straight. Last season’s world champions, despite a winning formula of Captain America at the helm, and Bangerz’ unorthodox game play that saw him finish 1st in last season’s finals, the only player from the USA to achieve that, they decide to change it at the last minute?
Hobbs: It looks that way.
Royce: Wow. I need to go see my bookie.
Hobbs: But technically, this makes for a stronger team than last year. Admitted has played over 3000 games …
Royce: I’m googling his profile now…
Hobbs: … he has an ELO of over 800…
Royce: …Hang on, it says here he’s 124…
Hobbs: He’s truly a legend in the game.
Royce: … … he’s Priptonite’s dad, isn’t he?
Hobbs: Yes, yes he is.
Royce: Incredible, I guess it’s not what you know, but who you know!
Hobbs: Remind me how we got this gig?
Royce: I miss Bangerz already.
Hobbs: Moving on… So, the USA come in at about the 3rd highest ranked team this season, the same as last season... Admitted and Kevin are solid and dependable. Priptonite on the other hand, well, he can either be a force to reckoned with like a hurricane…
Royce: Or like a fart.
Hobbs: You mean, not quite as powerful?
Royce: No, I just mean he stinks.
Hobbs: But if we get the good Priptonite?
Royce: Honestly, this competition is going to run for weeks, this guy doesn’t have the stamina to keep up with younger ones, the likes of Djoker16, jojinse35 and C0d3N1nj4, these guys are the next generation of Azul.
Hobbs: Honestly, I wouldn’t count Priptonite out. There’s a lot of experience and wisdom in that man that these younger ones just don’t have, and a lot are betting that this is his season.
Royce: Pft. Can we talk about someone else? This guy gets more attention than a CN_Azul vs Kndr match.
Hobbs: Kndr might find that quite insulting.
Royce: I apologise, I made a mistake and now I’m bored of this, let’s move on.
Hobbs: OK, let’s talk about one of the new teams also in Group A, Korea?
Royce: Korea have joined?
Hobbs: Yes they have, and it’s a strong lineup at rank 8 with BlueAArrow…
Royce: … too many A’s
Hobbs: Seed seed…
Royce: Too many seeds.
Hobbs: and jojinse35
Royce: …
Hobbs: Are you happy with his name?
Royce: Yep, a good, and classic Korean name. Dependable. He won’t let you down… or take ages to track down… or leave your messages unanswered… or be late joining a tournament.
Hobbs: What?
Royce: Nothing.
Hobbs: Seed seed is only 18 years old, not old enough to drink in some countries, including his own.
Royce: Yeah, I hear that Korea are suspending his military service for the Azul Cup.
Hobbs: Oh, really?
Royce: Maybe.
Hobbs: Can we stick to the facts please. He has 1200 games played.
Royce: Sure, I saw his profile. But how many of them are actually Azul?
Hobbs: No, I mean of Azul.
Royce: Oh. His game list is as long as a turn-based game of Twilight Imperium.
Hobbs: Did BGA pay you to promote that?
Royce: No! But I hear that it will be coming out of BETA very soon and only available to play on BGA, get those premium subscriptions paid now.
Hobbs: Hmm… well, I guess he had to kiss a lot of frogs before he found his Azul. This team is one to watch for me and if they can notch 1 or 2 wins up against the USA this could make for a very interesting group indeed.
Royce: OK, well 1000 words is my limit for one evening…
Hobbs: But we haven’t spoken about Germany, China, the UK… there’s 22 more teams to cover.
Royce: Yeah, well that’s for another day.
Hobbs: Zeus won’t be happy.
Royce: What’s has he said the deadline is?
Hobbs: Tomorrow.
Royce: Oh well, Zeus can lick my…
Hobbs: OK!!! Maybe now is a good time to leave things. So, let me finish by saying to all the athletes…
Royce: *snigger*
Hobbs: … competing in the Azul Cup, GL, but most of all HF!
Royce: You’re such a geek.
[Transmission ended]