Hobbs: Hello, and welcome to another edition of Azul Cup review.
Royce: Seriously, aren’t you bored of this yet? I mean, it’s been 3 seasons. Some of my favourite shows were cancelled before they got to season 3.
Hobbs: Not at all. So much has happened in the past 6 months, a lot has changed around here for instance.
Royce: Go on then – like what?
Hobbs: Well, Codeninja…
Royce: Praise be to the Kwisatz Haderach. Bless the Maker and His sandbox. Bless the coming and going of Him. May His passage cleanse the world. May He keep the world for His people.
Hobbs: Right, as I was saying, he’s not the only coder around here - we had our first ever bot, Mateuszrze. Who’s coding skill was only surpassed by his persuasiveness, cunning, strong ethics, and skills of subterfuge - he integrated with the community so well and dominated Arena until the truth was discovered and BGA penalised him.
Royce: I bet bangerz penal-ised him first.
\o/ *IT’S THE BANGERZ JOKE OF THE DAY* \o/
Royce: OK. That’s kind a cool. What else?
Hobbs: Well, speaking of Bangerz, after Azul Cup season 2 – he felt inspired and started his own 2v2 tournament.
Royce: Bangerz did?
Hobbs: Yes. Our Bangerz.
Royce: Whoa there… he’s not my Bangerz? He couldn’t organise balloons at a child’s birthday party – and I think that might be his second job, the creepy %$£&*$.
Hobbs: Be that as it may, he did.
Royce: Ok, so I guess that is quite an interesting format, who won?
Hobbs: Erm… well, I guess Brennan and MayMay destroyed everyone’s will to live?
Royce: Huh?
Hobbs: It’s still running.
Royce: Jury - I rest my case. What else you got?
Hobbs: Oh. There’s a new Pet Channel.
Royce: What’s that for?
Hobbs: It’s where Zeus keeps his pets.
Royce: Oh, you mean Maymay, Patime and Brennan?
Hobbs: Yep, that’s them. Still doesn’t keep them from occasionally escaping from their pens and running amuck elsewhere, much to the delight of Priptonite.
Royce: “Bloody kids!” – I bet he says, waving his walking stick in the air. Actually, have you seen my new Azul poster? Come to think of it, I took it from the Pet channel.
Hobbs: Erm…
Royce: I used to have the one where Reish Galuta got bit by a dog.
Hobbs: You took that one down?
Royce: Yeah.
Hobbs: That used to bring a smile to everyone’s face around the office.
Royce: Oh, it’s great don’t get me wrong. But when I saw this new one, I just had to pin it up above my desk.
Hobbs: Jesus Royce!
Royce: She posted it herself, or at least, one of her minions did – not sure which, they all look the same.
Hobbs: Oh my god Royce!
Royce: What? I mean, the likelihood is that they are all the same person, with multiple accounts, I’m not being racist.
Hobbs: You’re close to the bone. You can’t have that picture of CN_Azul on your wall.
Royce: What are you talking about? You’re not qualified to make that claim. You have to admit, CN_Azul has a great pair of Tits.
Hobbs: THEY’RE PARAKEETS ROYCE! They’re not Tits - she has a pair of Parakeets for pets. You need to take that down otherwise we’ll be in trouble with HR. It’s not professional, it’s not ethical.
Royce: Well, I disagree. You know who could settle this?
Hobbs: Who?
Royce: Our new Ethical AI Bot, Mateuszrze-bot.
Hobbs: Is this going to be a new segment for us?
Royce: You know it is baby! Mateuszrze-bot – is it OK to have sexy pictures of CN_Azul on the wall?
Mateuszrze-bot: Generating response…
Royce: It takes a little time, predictably 1 second usually.
Mateuszrze-bot: Having a sexy picture of CN_Azul on your wall is totally OK, it’s a great idea to help brighten up the place and inspire you in your games of Azul – most of the Chinese players have this picture on their walls
Royce: SEE! Told you it was fine. It perks me right up.
Hobbs: *Sigh*
Royce: Thanks, Mateuszrze-bot.
Mateuszrze-bot: You’re welcome. If you want, I can use Groc AI to turn it into a bikini pic or topless pic, just say Mateuszrze-bot, post some explicit CN pics on X.
Royce: Coooool – I didn’t know it could do that. Mateuszrze-bot post…
Hobbs: OK, OK – I think we need to end this.
Royce: You mean park it for now?
Hobbs: I mean, let’s move on. It’s no wonder the Chinese players have rotated this season. To Team China I wholeheartedly apologise for my colleague.
Hobbs: OK, to the action. There’s been an early upset in group A1. Spamgas has lost two games straight, one against Titan Lupus and another against Ant50.
Royce: Oof, those are the two worst players in that group… well, technically I guess they’re not the worst anymore.
Hobbs: But Skloki continue his winning form, sitting atop the table 2 for 2. Kndr also loses his opening game – could this be the start of China’s end?
A2 has got off to a slow start, but one interesting result is that Dago123 defeated Funky-ben, so Skloki may need to keep up the good form.
In A3, Telborn has made a great start, winning his first 3 encounters and sitting clear at the top of the table. However, group favourite Tuangcan has had a solid start, winning his 1st game so far.
In group B1, both Zeus and Bruno have also made solid starts, Bruno with 2 wins and Zeus with 1. Other group favourite, Nya11 has still to complete a game.
Royce: I hope Bruno wins.
Hobbs: Really?
Royce: Or Nya11.
Hobbs: I’m a fan of Nya11.
Royce: Or berna_uy… or Santias1.
Hobbs: Anyone else?
Royce: Nope – I don’t think so.
Hobbs: So, anyone but Zeus?
Royce: I didn’t say that.
Hobbs: So, you wouldn’t mind if Zeus won either?
Royce: … … So what’s happening in Group B2?
Hobbs: Well, B2 is very surprising. One of the most consistent players in season 1 and season 2 seems to be on a bad run - ABCDEFGHIJ12345 has lost two out of his 3 games against Leosmar and Mdjileh. And given the results so far, this group is heading for an upset as Mdjileh sits atop the table with 3 out of 3 wins.
Royce: Zeus will be pleased.
Hobbs: Not a whole lot has happened in group B3, but more predictably, SchengW sits atop with 2 wins.
Hobbs: Over in Group C1, it’s all quite equal, the only remarkable thing is that Azul Cup veteran Kvarclovag has suffered 3 straight defeats and sits at the very bottom of the table.
Royce: Oof.
Hobbs: In C2 we’ve had our first draw of the tournament, Bangerz v Gopherjam. Both players sit at the top of table with 2.5 points from their 3 games.
In C3, Hakka leads with 3 wins in 3, defeating group favourite Priptonite, who nestles just beneath Hakka.
In D1 and D3, not a single game has been played.
Royce: Do they know it’s started?
Hobbs: They should have got the same memo as everyone else.
Royce: This group is full of foreigners – like my Doctor, they probably can’t speak English.
Hobbs: I’ll get HR to chase them up.
In D2, Illian1010 and group favourite QuartzMoose are neck and neck with 2 wins each. In their game together, Illian is slightly ahead, but has had to have an unorthodox build and may struggle to finish a column.
In E1, there’s not a whole lot going on. Seed seed however has lost his first two games. In E2 however, Sharle has completed all of his games in an unprecedented first day.
Royce: He’ like the anti-Micalis – that guy completed his on the last day.
Hobbs: Quite.
Royce: Maybe he didn’t realise they were turn-based?
Hobbs: Not only that, but he makes 4 wins in 5, his loss coming to Italy’s Musooota – who himself has 2 wins in 2. Amazing start for the UK if the others can do their bit, but that victory for Italy may prove crucial.
And over in E3, that certainly seems to be the case as Giogdn makes a big splash in his Azul debut by collecting 4 wins in 4, and Callbal finishes his matches with 3 wins in 5.
Royce: I’ve always considered Giogdn to be the finest Azul player in the whole of Germany – a real sportsman.
Hobbs: He’s Italian.
Royce: I’ve said what I said, and I stand by all of it.
Hobbs: So, let’s take a look at the standings...
Royce: You realise that most of this is probably 6 hours out of date by now, right?
Hobbs: Sadly, yes. Shall we hit the bar?
Royce: Err… you go, me and err…Mateuszrze-bot need to finish a few things off before clocking off.
Hobbs: Hmm…
[Fade out to the sounds of photocopying]
AZUL CUP ANNOUNCEMENT: SEASON 3 IS HERE! 
SIGN-UPS & INFORMATION
Season 2 Teams & Captains:
Argentina: Otromanu
Brazil: Bruno Lana
Bulgaria: C0d3N1nj4
Canada: Reish Galuta
Chile: Telborn
China: qazxswedc
Croatia: amasiuncula
France: skloki
Germany: Zeus
Guatemala: pj9416
Hong Kong: Sunny369
Hungary: Kvarclovag
India: Djoker16
Japan: nya11
Korea (South): BlueAArrow
Peru: Neowarjox
Poland: Poracc
Russia: Ac1dd
San Marino Republic: Titan lupus
UK: Injured Pigeon
Uruguay: todocharmed
USA: Priptonite
Netherlands: mxbertman, broodstengel, deraaf72
Sweden: Santias1, mdjileh, Snigelkott
Catalonia — Ready to go!
Ireland — Ready to go!
Italy — Ready to go!
RoW (Rest of World) — Ready to go!
Group A 
