Afraid To Join New Games

[Distantia]

Hi,

I am new to this place and find myself having an annoying issue. I am hesitant to play games. I do the tutorials of games I may find interesting and find them often unwieldy. But after restarting tutorials because some seem bugged (the tutorial disappears / I can't figure out what to actually do) and get through them somehow, I feel I still don't really get the game.

And so I don't feel confident to play with others. Since it seems everything is bound by timers and as a newbie you take more time, I am afraid others may get annoyed. Or make nasty comments about wrong moves or not understanding something. Or maybe I am not seeing what the game expects me to do, after a tutorial often the flow of the game isn't clear.

I don't want to be the victim of attacks in chats because I don't respond well to that and the result will be me getting the moderation all over me.

So what to do. Here I am on a website to play fun games with others and I also know how some people can be, abusive. I am afraid to actually play new games. I've only played games so far that I know because I own these games irl. I wonder if anyone else feels hesitant as well to break through this fear and just play, no matter the consequences?

Any tips would help me I hope!

[Jeronimon]

I don’t know what games you like.

My strategy would be to post this story in the forums of the games you like and ask if somebody will play “introductory” games with you to get a feel for the game.

I would not worry about the times too much, you can start turn based games that give you plenty of time or play friendly games.

[graysondyed]

So, I * at understanding the game completely right after playing a tutorial; I'm much better at learning after seeing how other people actually playing the game. So, we are in the same boat.

I was initially a little anxious about joining and starting games, but, honestly, not many people chat in the game chatbox—unless, it is to say "gg." To be blunt, people get rewarded for your poor performance, so they aren't going to be rude to you. Everyone can see by your ELO in a given game that you're new, so it's not like you can feign experience. Otherwise, people may play ruthless, but that isn't representative of who they are. The ones who are turn out to be the ones that leave games early or are muted globally—meaning, they can't be rude to you.

If you're looking at some type of game you'd like to play with two people and to learn a game, feel free to add me! If I don't already know how to play it, we can at least both learn it

*Moderator edit: please refrain from swearing on BGA, this is a family-friendly platform.

[FDHenneberg]

There’s a group called Talkative and Friendly Games. Just join and put up a post saying you’re looking for an introductory or learning game, linking to a table. Chances are good you’ll find someone. Or do you have a favorite board game podcast that has a BGA group? Whenever I want to play a game I’m bad at and that has massive kingmaking issues, I go there. If you’re playing turn based (which helps a lot with new games), you can have a look at my
games list and add me to a game I know.

Apart from that:
- watch How to Play videos, then read the rules - for me, only in very light games can be learned by just playing the tutorial
- avoid coop games (that’s what I do for all the reasons you mentioned), play 2p in games with kingmaking issues


Edit: I see you’ve been playing Hearts. That game is famous for mean comments in chats. Same goes for Hanabi and others. If you play against other people, they tend to care less about what you’re doing, apart from “kingmaking by accident”. Though I only had an issue with kingmaking once, and the comment wasn’t really aggressive, just a bit harsh.

[BeanzMcGee]

Totally understand this fear. I recently joined a turn-based "friendly" pace game of Carcasonne because I had never played before and one of the people in the game basically told me to leave. So I did. They were nice about it and explained that the other players were very experienced, but I still left out of embarrassment and had a nice little cry about it.

I actually think I avoided board games most of my life because I'm sensitive in this way and don't want to ruin everyone's time. So that was disheartening. I play a lot of games alone and if there is a solo mode, I usually opt for it if my husband isn't available to play with me.

I have no actual advice here, I just wanna say I understand the anxiety. <3

[BeanzMcGee]

I have no actual advice here, I just wanna say I understand the anxiety. <3

All that being said, if you ever wanna play a game you've never tried with me, you always can! I'm down for whatever. I promise we can stumble through it together hahahah.

[FDHenneberg]

Two things to add to my post: the groups I mentioned are for turn based play.

And as a premium user, you can always open a table restricted to people with relatively low ELO (Beginners & Apprentices). Not sure this helps in popular coop games, but it definitely helps with other games. (edit: if the game isn’t premium, you don’t need to be premium to open a table)

[SionedCati]

basically told me to leave

That's awful! I'm so sorry that happened to you

[BeanzMcGee]

And as a premium user, you can always open a table restricted to people with relatively low ELO (Beginners & Apprentices).

I've been premium for a little while now and didn't know! Love this.

That's awful! I'm so sorry that happened to you

No worries, they were kind about it and I just apologized and left. Never had that happen with anything else, and usually when I'm playing a game for the first time I chat apologize for learning anyway. Most people, yourself included, are very supportive and chill here. I just assumed a friendly game that wasn't in a tourney would be chill. :shrug:

[Arjuna92]

And as a premium user, you can always open a table restricted to people with relatively low ELO (Beginners & Apprentices).

I've been premium for a little while now and didn't know! Love this.

You don't have to be premium to restrict table access. But the option is slightly hard to find.

That's awful! I'm so sorry that happened to you

No worries, they were kind about it and I just apologized and left. Never had that happen with anything else, and usually when I'm playing a game for the first time I chat apologize for learning anyway. Most people, yourself included, are very supportive and chill here. I just assumed a friendly game that wasn't in a tourney would be chill. :shrug:

There are always nicer and less nice people. The reasons people like to play here and what they like to play also differ a lot. So yes, there can be bad experiences and especially in some games more than others. But most people are nice (like in life in general). And it helps to have some people you know and like to play with and talk to. You can get to know games together and feel no pressure to conform to some high standard.

If you want someone to play a learning game of Carcassonne with, you can invite me. I can teach you this or that.