cigma wrote: ↑30 June 2023, 08:12
zoomboom wrote: ↑30 June 2023, 07:08
Life is hard.
Life can be hard (illness, starvation, dictatorship, war,...). But not because you kick someone or you get kicked.
Well said! I find that what often (but not always) starts as a simple question or comment, gradually evolves into a very passionate debate. I wonder sometimes if we’re losing perspective of what we’re discussing?
It all comes down to choice. As individuals we get the opportunity to weigh the risks and benefits (including potential consequences), which means to some extent we have to take responsibility for the results, and then make choices on how to move forward.
BGA (as with pretty much any site, game, organization, etc.) has a set of rules to be followed, and consequences for not abiding by them. We may not like every rule. think they're unfair, not thought through, or personally against what we find ethical, “sportsmanship”-like, or polite. But these are all subjective measures that we have to understand are different for everyone. We can debate whether expelling is appropriate, in what context, and under which circumstances or criteria, all day and never come to a consensus. If there were a consensus to come to, there would be no need for rules to be created in the first place.
However, the rules were created, and are available for each us to base our choices on. Deciding to play fast-paced, normal, or slow, real time or turn based, friendly mode, etc., with all the pros and cons of each. Deciding to prioritize real life (dogs, people, phone calls…) over a game (a wise choice) and the risk of being expelled. Deciding to expel or not, regardless of how and why, and whether to red thumb each other, avoid the other in the future, change to a more appropriate game setting, or continue in the exact same manor, etc.
I think it’s harsh to assume the intent of the other player or place labels or judgements on them (this goes both ways).
• The time offender may not be so much rude, as a bad judge of time needed, distracted by something, internet issues, etc.
• The expelling player may not be rude or a “horrible human”. They may simply be someone who entered a game, agreeing to the same rules you did, and abiding by them. They may simply not share you’re point of view on expelling, rules, and time limits, and this doesn’t make them any less of a person.
• Referring to yourself as a victim is incorrect, since again, you agreed to rules, presumably understood them, broke them, and the consequences for that were within the rules for the other player. You weren’t manipulated or tricked and weren’t forced into something against your will.
Labeling actions as extreme, attempting to make a distinction between 21 seconds, minutes, and “vanishing” altogether, and assuming they’re expelling as a way to win or boost elo, is really irrelevant to the fact that rules were broken. Where should the line be drawn? 21 seconds is ok, 56 is too much? Is there a grey area where we get to use discretion? If we all allowed players to go 21 seconds over without expelling, then that would be the new rule. Then players who go 22 seconds over would be complaining that they only exceeded the norm by 1 second.
While I can understand how it would be frustrating, it isn’t a valid argument against the expeller. Whether they expelled because they were trying to win, because they were cranky that day and had no patience, because they understand it to be the rule and don’t understand why they wouldn’t expel, or because they themselves had to suddenly jump up to attend to dogs, people, phone calls, etc., it was within their right. The time-exceeder broke the rules, the expeller did not.
Kruszer wrote: ↑17 July 2023, 11:15
I don't care that BGA says you techinically can. It's not nice and doesn't meet the BGA standard of "creating a pleasant and enjoyable environment for everyone".
Kruszer wrote: ↑17 July 2023, 11:15
As to the time-outs, I make no apologies for those.
This is in itself may be at the root of the problem… that you don’t care what the rules are, I guess means you think your set of ideals are more important and everyone else should bend to them and what’s pleasant and enjoyable for some, instead of following the rules which are designed to allow players to make choices which will allow a pleasant and enjoyable time for everyone?
Kruszer wrote: ↑17 July 2023, 11:15
In either case... that's definitely not me "
abandoning the game entirely" so please spare me the judgment!
Kruszer wrote: ↑17 July 2023, 11:15
Things aren't always what you think they are.
This seems somewhat ironic, considering you’re assuming (and making judgements) that whoever expelled you, did so out of malice or spite, because they’re a horrible human, in order to attain an easy and/or “ridiculous” win, out of ELO greed, or simply to annoy another player. These two statements you made may be worth reflecting on.
At the end of the day, these are games we’re talking about. There are no real-life consequences here as far as I can tell. If we all play and make choices with this in mind, we shouldn’t find ourselves so upset when things don’t go the way we would personally prefer.
Anyway, just my thoughts, in what turned out to be WAAAY too many words

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